[ He doesn't say anything more. He just goes there, straight away, and he knocks on her door.
For once he's quiet, pensive. He's left his pocketwatch in the workshop, but of course his earpiece is still attached. There's nothing he can ever do about that. ]
[ She leans against the wardrobe, standing across from him as he looks at her so seriously. But he is serious right now. This is all pretty serious.
Not long ago, he asked her to trust him. It wasn't easy, but she had promised too. she didn't ask about his identity anymore, but there was always that constant wondering. She didn't want him to tell her just because someone else found out, but he seemed not to want to have to tell her because of that too.
But here they were. And he wanted to tell her on his own terms instead of someone doing it for him. ]
[ That was it exactly. He wanted her to know at a time that he chose, and not at a time when he was forced to explain things because he had no other choice.
He'd gone through that already, at home. He'd had to reveal himself to her because the First Army had come upon them. She'd been furious with him. Some part of him hopes that it will be better this way.
Another part of him feels lighter, just because the secret won't be between them anymore. That part surprises him. He hadn't expected to feel that way.
He sighs. ]
I am Nikolai Lantsov. [ And then he spreads his hands, and recites the rest by rote. ] Major of the Twenty-Second Regiment, Soldier of the King's Army, Grand Duke of Udova, and second son to his Majesty, King Alexander the Third, Ruler of the Double Eagle Throne, may his life and reign be long.
[ And then, because he had been here before, he braces himself for the punch. ]
[ Alina doesn't really know how to respond at first. She just stares at him for a long while.
Part of her doesn't believe him. But she remembers the day he arrived here from the train. He had been wearing an imperial uniform with the double eagle crest. He had told her he had been posing as a Lanstov. She had believed that, too. She had just bought it and believed he was Sturmhond.
But he wasn't Sturmhond. He was Sobachka. He was the second prince. The one she had never met.
She narrows her eyes, but she doesn't punch him. Not yet. ]
[ That question makes him laugh. Why hadn't he? There are two answers to that.
He'd promised her the truth. He's never been very good at telling the truth, not plainly like this. In the end, he gives her the truth that's easiest to say. ]
Because I knew that I couldn't be Nikolai Lantsov, here. These people don't need a prince.
These people need Sturmhond, scourge of the true sea, breaker of blockades. They need a fighter and a gunsmith, they need someone who can lead and not be distracted by thoughts of a country left behind. And besides that, I don't know any of them. I've always known that a prince has a greater value as a hostage, when he's away from home. At first I thought that any one of these people could be working from the Darkling. Now that I know better, I know that the man himself could appear at any time, and if he does it's vital that he does not know Nikolai Lantsov is here.
[ He looks at her now, bright hazel eyes turning on her. He doesn't say the rest, the part that's harder. The part where she had been his friend and confidante at home, and yet she doesn't know him here. It had been easier to play at Sturmhond, and gain her trust again, than have her see him as a prince set at a distance. But that's too personal. Too difficult, and it's all still true, so he keeps it to himself. ]
Don't think for a minute that I didn't want to. I've missed being honest with you, as strange as that sounds.
[ He told her to trust him while he had lied to her face. She didn't care about what the others needed. He had told her they were friends before. So why didn't he just tell her the truth?
Why was she friends with the Prince of Ravka? She remembered them talking about how they had met once. That he had helped the Darkling find her only to take her himself. ]
Why did you come find me in Novyi Zem? What was the real reason Sturmhond came used the Darkling to find me?
[ He'd known that question was coming. His eyes don't leave hers, now. ]
Because the Darkling poisoned my father and tried to take the throne of Ravka from right under my parents' noses, and where do you think I was, Alina?
[ Rhetorical. He goes straight on. ]
At sea. Exactly where I've been ever since I finished my military service, because I thought that was where I could do the most good. And instead, I was in exactly the wrong place when my family needed me most.
I came to find you because I wanted you to come back with me, Alina. I wanted to bring you back to Os Alta, and I wanted us to unite the First and Second Armies against the Darkling. I wanted you to support my bid for the throne. That's why I took you from him, that's why I saved you from him. So that you could help me save our country from the dark.
[ For a second, she wants to be mad at him. Because it's what she expected. He had taken her to use her just like everyone else did. But he talks about the King as his father. He makes it personal and it's hard not to feel for him on that level.
She also remembered him telling her they were friends. He may have used her, but something about their time together had brought them closer to each other.
She sighs and relaxes slightly. ]
one more question, then. Have you been acting like a different person this time? Or acting like yourself with just a different name?
Inevitably, it's the one that gives him the most trouble. The one he finds it hardest to answer, perhaps because he's not really sure of the truth. As always, he has tried to act as he thinks he must. Different characteristics have been emphasized at different times. To some people he has been the soldier. To others, the thief. To others, the taker of risks, the gunsmith, the inventor, the list goes on.
Instead of answering properly, he smiles at her. ]
You told me that it was creepy, once. How easy it was for me to wear a different face, with different people.
It's not an either or, Alina. I am Nikolai Lantsov. I am also Sturmhond. Both are true, both are me. I've been how I always am with you. I don't know if that's enough. [ A pause. ] I've never truly known if that's enough.
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He's kept so many secrets here, and for the right reasons. He doesn't regret that.
But he knows that he can trust her. He should have trusted her, with his identity at the very least. He can fix that now. ]
Can I come and see you?
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i'm in my room.
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For once he's quiet, pensive. He's left his pocketwatch in the workshop, but of course his earpiece is still attached. There's nothing he can ever do about that. ]
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Was wondering when I'd see you today.
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Alina.
You've asked me many times who I am. I've always told you that you'll know, some day.
I want to tell you now. It's not how I imagined this going, but I didn't know there were people who could...unwrite my secrets, if they wanted to.
If you still want to know, then ask me again. I won't lie to you anymore.
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Not long ago, he asked her to trust him. It wasn't easy, but she had promised too. she didn't ask about his identity anymore, but there was always that constant wondering. She didn't want him to tell her just because someone else found out, but he seemed not to want to have to tell her because of that too.
But here they were. And he wanted to tell her on his own terms instead of someone doing it for him. ]
Who are you, Nikolai?
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He'd gone through that already, at home. He'd had to reveal himself to her because the First Army had come upon them. She'd been furious with him. Some part of him hopes that it will be better this way.
Another part of him feels lighter, just because the secret won't be between them anymore. That part surprises him. He hadn't expected to feel that way.
He sighs. ]
I am Nikolai Lantsov. [ And then he spreads his hands, and recites the rest by rote. ] Major of the Twenty-Second Regiment, Soldier of the King's Army, Grand Duke of Udova, and second son to his Majesty, King Alexander the Third, Ruler of the Double Eagle Throne, may his life and reign be long.
[ And then, because he had been here before, he braces himself for the punch. ]
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Part of her doesn't believe him. But she remembers the day he arrived here from the train. He had been wearing an imperial uniform with the double eagle crest. He had told her he had been posing as a Lanstov. She had believed that, too. She had just bought it and believed he was Sturmhond.
But he wasn't Sturmhond. He was Sobachka. He was the second prince. The one she had never met.
She narrows her eyes, but she doesn't punch him. Not yet. ]
Why didn't you tell me?
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He'd promised her the truth. He's never been very good at telling the truth, not plainly like this. In the end, he gives her the truth that's easiest to say. ]
Because I knew that I couldn't be Nikolai Lantsov, here. These people don't need a prince.
These people need Sturmhond, scourge of the true sea, breaker of blockades. They need a fighter and a gunsmith, they need someone who can lead and not be distracted by thoughts of a country left behind. And besides that, I don't know any of them. I've always known that a prince has a greater value as a hostage, when he's away from home. At first I thought that any one of these people could be working from the Darkling. Now that I know better, I know that the man himself could appear at any time, and if he does it's vital that he does not know Nikolai Lantsov is here.
[ He looks at her now, bright hazel eyes turning on her. He doesn't say the rest, the part that's harder. The part where she had been his friend and confidante at home, and yet she doesn't know him here. It had been easier to play at Sturmhond, and gain her trust again, than have her see him as a prince set at a distance. But that's too personal. Too difficult, and it's all still true, so he keeps it to himself. ]
Don't think for a minute that I didn't want to. I've missed being honest with you, as strange as that sounds.
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Why was she friends with the Prince of Ravka? She remembered them talking about how they had met once. That he had helped the Darkling find her only to take her himself. ]
Why did you come find me in Novyi Zem? What was the real reason Sturmhond came used the Darkling to find me?
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Because the Darkling poisoned my father and tried to take the throne of Ravka from right under my parents' noses, and where do you think I was, Alina?
[ Rhetorical. He goes straight on. ]
At sea. Exactly where I've been ever since I finished my military service, because I thought that was where I could do the most good. And instead, I was in exactly the wrong place when my family needed me most.
I came to find you because I wanted you to come back with me, Alina. I wanted to bring you back to Os Alta, and I wanted us to unite the First and Second Armies against the Darkling. I wanted you to support my bid for the throne. That's why I took you from him, that's why I saved you from him. So that you could help me save our country from the dark.
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She also remembered him telling her they were friends. He may have used her, but something about their time together had brought them closer to each other.
She sighs and relaxes slightly. ]
one more question, then. Have you been acting like a different person this time? Or acting like yourself with just a different name?
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Inevitably, it's the one that gives him the most trouble. The one he finds it hardest to answer, perhaps because he's not really sure of the truth. As always, he has tried to act as he thinks he must. Different characteristics have been emphasized at different times. To some people he has been the soldier. To others, the thief. To others, the taker of risks, the gunsmith, the inventor, the list goes on.
Instead of answering properly, he smiles at her. ]
You told me that it was creepy, once. How easy it was for me to wear a different face, with different people.
It's not an either or, Alina. I am Nikolai Lantsov. I am also Sturmhond. Both are true, both are me. I've been how I always am with you. I don't know if that's enough. [ A pause. ] I've never truly known if that's enough.
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It's enough. Just... no more lying. I won't ask anything about my future so you won't have to lie, though.
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[ He has to make that clear. He wasn't pretending to be someone else entirely. He doesn't want her to think that. ]
That was never a lie. It's an identity I earned, at sea, when I couldn't present myself as Nikolai.
As far as anyone else here is concerned, Sturmhond is who I remain. That isn't going to change, with anyone except for you.
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[ Her stance is more relaxed now. She's feels a little... awkward now. He's not just a captain. He's the prince. ]
Don't expect me to start calling you 'your highness' in private, either. This doesn't change that.
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Nikolai. Please.
Perhaps I should add that to the list of reasons I wasn't telling you. At least when I'm Sturmhond you don't stand on ceremony.
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I'm your ally. I've told you that so many times.
I would like to be your friend again, Alina.
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You know, the last time you found out who I was, you hit me. Quite hard, actually. It was most uncalled for.
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I was close to punching you this time.
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[ Just because you know who he is now won't make him less of an ass. ]
I had a different face, at home. That may have influenced things.
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I guess that explains why no one recognized the prince playing captain.
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[ He shrugs, and then stops, frowning at her. ]
Except that I wasn't playing. I hadn't lived as a prince for seven years. It was a precaution, that's all.
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